Cyber Consent

2019-02-01 / In categories Posts

Cyber Sluttery

Dear Stumpers:

It’s time to have a little talk about cyber boundaries and cyber consent. This isn’t going to be one of my friendly Mom talks. Because many of you are not being very nice. If I have done it right, you will all feel sufficiently chastised before reaching the end of this article.

For a few weeks now, I have been ruminating on all of the talk about dick picks and cyber whores and good girls and bad girls and sluts and fuckbois, on the internet. There is a lot to unpack with the combination of slut-shaming, virtue signaling, sex advertising, sex pushing and stalking going on on social media. By at least a magnitude of ten I have seen more tweets complaining about pictures of penises then I have seen penises on social media. Sexual harassment, unsolicited pictures, revenge porn and child pornography are real problems but there seems to be a whole genre of of internet memes and tweets dedicated to shaming other people for engaging in sexual behavior. Shame on you - people who invest time and energy into shaming people who engage in fully consensual activity. You need to find something better to do with your time then body shame people. Sex is fun normal and healthy and just because some people are more comfortable sharing their sexuality in public than you are doesn’t make you a better person. Prudishness does not constitute virtue.

That being said, I think you all need a little primer on what constitutes consent and boundaries on the internet. Since we do not have reliable ways of verifying the identities of people on-line much of this is predicated upon the assumption of honesty of all involved parties. We are all on an honor system here people but let’s lay out the rules first so you know what to honor. This is not legal advice, rather this is a guide to being a not-shitty sexy human on the internet.

A Cyberslut’s guide to internet consent:

Minors, animals, and unconscious, overpowered, unwillingly restrained or inebriated people are not capable of consent. Don’t do any kind of sex with these. This includes creating, transferring or transfering images or telling stories of a sexually explicit nature. For the purposes of this list the term person means an adult, competent, human. Images of a person’s body belong to that person. If a person transmits an image to you via private channel you do not have the right to transmit that image to others. This includes penises. Men’s right to bodily autonomy and privacy is equal to women’s. I shouldn’t have to say this but apparently I do. Some of you seem to be under the false impression that body shaming males is a form of feminism it isn’t. It’s just not ok to tell all men that all of their penises are gross and nobody ever wants to see them. Stop it. Body parts are not gross and if you say they are then you are. Secure positive consent, before transmitting sexually explicit materials to a person either through invitation to view public materials or direct transfer via private channel. This involves asking them if they would like to view explicit materials, or if they want to engage in sexually explicit conversation with you. Sexual stories about another person should not be shared in a way that does not take reasonable measures to conceal their identity. This is one of the reasons I maintain an anonymous persona, so I can speak honestly about my experiences without violating the privacy and consent any of my current or former partners. In some cases some of the stories that you see here are pre-approved by the partners involved just to be double sure. Engaging in sexually explicit conversation and sharing of sexual materials through private channels is a form of intimacy. If you are in a committed relationship and you do not have the consent of your partner to engage in such activities this is cheating.

Now that I have clearly posted my standards for cyber consent, I expect anyone interacting directly with me to abide by them. I consider any sexual activity that falls within these guidelines to be a normal expression of human sexuality. Sex is by its very nature a little odd and we may not understand or appreciate other people’s interests. Personally I find that tension fascinating. Stumped Mom as an artistic project is dedicated to these differences and I have no tolerance for intolerance. So play nice out there.

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