Two entries ago I promised to get into some more advanced fantasy tips and I am nothing if not a woman of my word. These are my more advanced tips for a slightly kinkier level of fantasy play. I claim zero expertise in kink; for that you’re going to have to go to different corners of the internet but those corners can be scary and intimidating, even if they really are actually filled with regular people who just happen to enjoy novel sexual if experiences. But there is also a lot of stuff that most people just don’t want to see. Just a quick foray can leave you feeling like 16 year old Stumped Mom did after watching 8mm in the theatre. There are as many kinks to be discovered as there are stars in the sky. Today I am going to give you some tips on working within some common kink sub-types. All but the first kink on my list below can be found in both dominant and submissive partners and can be applied in a range of intensities. For the basics of Dominance and Submission please read Dabbling in Kink.
Humiliation Submission: One of the ways to express power in sex is to humiliate others. In its gentlest form humiliation an be manifested in playful banter or name calling. For people that enjoy it, it can offer a release from their feelings of shame or guilt surrounding enjoyment. Humiliation is a delicate thing. Treat it carefully, ask your partners if they are into it, or look for signs like sexual self deprecation, before just unloading on them with verbal abuse. Pro tip- I have never found a person of color in America, who is into humiliation submission,my personal theory is that they deal with too much of that shit every damn day in our culture to find it sexy in the bedroom. I urge you to handle humiliation submission with care, it can be very damaging to relationships if it isn’t handled correctly. Personally I enjoy saying I’m sorry a lot during sex and it enhances the experience for me if my partner will tell me why I should be.*
Voyeurs: A true voyeur is a gem and they are actually hard to find. Most of us enjoy watching sexual acts but few of us fetishize looking but not touching. My first threesome was with a woman who we only brought home to watch but she couldn’t keep her hands off, she turned out to be a marriage wrecking rhinoceros disguised as a unicorn. That being said a true voyeur as a fantasy talk partner is great if you enjoy spinning a sexy yarn voyeurs will eagerily lap up sexy stories past future and present especially if you give them space to be the watcher in those stories.
Masochists: My armchair theory about masochists is that they are show offs. Every middle school kid who has gotten a hold of H.P. lovecraft thinks they have discovered the secret to the pain pleasure cycle. There is some complex a neurological and hormonal stuff that goes on with pain and the neural pathways during sex and everyone is a bit different. What I find gets masochists off is being able to impress you with how much pain they can take. If you have one in fantasy talk they will be very excited to talk about how you’d like to push their limits.
Sadists: I try not to judge but I have never stuck around to find out what makes a true sadist tick and I would advise anyone who thinks they have encountered a true sadist to avoid. But the S in and M is usually about playing the part just enough to make it exciting it’s not about getting off on hurting people. Most people who will willingly dish out a little bit of pain with pleasure are people pleasing dominants who are excited by pushing boundaries and breaking social scripts. If someone surpases your boundaries and hurts you in a way you did not want for their own pleasure it is assault. I am switchy and I also know a bit about joint locks. When I am dominating I’ll administer a bit of pain to enhance my partners excitement but I recoil at the idea of causing pain for its own sake or allowing someone to do the same to me.
Risk takers: For many people just about anything that enhances the risk of sex makes it more exciting. This can include the risk of getting caught, being late, being rejected or just messing it up. If you’re trying to please a risk taker just remember it’s all about measured risk and novelty. You shouldn’t really have to fuck on the fire escape to please them you can get them excited by sending them sexy messages when they are at work or pretty much anywhere else where getting caught could lead to consequences.
These five elements of kink are not exclusive or exhaustive. I encourage you to try them gradually if they are new for you. Start with little suggestions or questions and see where it takes you. There is no need to dive in head first with any of these types of fantasies unless taking things on all at once is what really excites you, in that case don’t let me be the one to stop you. When I first started cyberslut I thought was going to just be a three part series but each time I sit down to write I find myself tabling things for the next piece. It has also been super popular because who would have guessed that people love reading about sex on the internet? Next week we’ll be talking about massive multi-player kinks: Orgy lovers, groupers, cucks, hotwifes, double-topping, Unicorns and more. And I plan to keep at it so long as the material keeps coming to mind. Thanks for reading and for playing. I love to hear about your experiences and experiments so please feel free to catch up with me through my contact page, on twitter or in the comments. Just don’t try sexting with me through dm’s it’s the internet equivalent of trying to pick up a stripper.
* Humorous anecdote; a few summers ago while my partner and I were enjoying a vigorous fuck with a bit of spanking with the windows open and shouted “I’m sorry!” enough that one of the neighbors came up to my back fence and asked if I needed assistance. She started shouting at my partner to leave me alone or she would jump the fence. So try not to alarm the neighbors while you’re playing.