2019-04-06 / In categories Posts
Dear Stumpers,
When I put on my cyberslut cape and tights and sit down at my keyboard, it is with one mission and one mission alone in mind and that is to get us all laid, real good. Most of the time,I like to turn to positive psychology. I serve up digestible short articles with punchy titles and bullet pointed lists that include tips and tricks, aimed at helping my fellow adults navigate the ever changing world of cyber-sex internet dating and sex in a post-monogamy world. However on occasion I find my attention drawn to annoying or negative behaviors that I feel need to be stamped out. Some of them are more serious than others.
Today’s topic qualifies as a minor one. A pet peeve, but it’s a behavior that I believe will benefit the entire social ecosystem if we address it and it should be pretty easy to address. I am calling this behavior “White Guy 20 Questions.”
How am I defining White Guy 20 Questions or WG 20Q? WG 20Q is when a guy, mostly on the internet, though sometimes in person, attempts to gain the attention of a woman and engage her in conversation by asking her a series of questions which do not relate to each other in any way except for how he feels about the answers.
But Stumped Mom Why White Guys?That’s not fair you are stereotyping.
I hear you stumpers but I have slutted it up all over the internet and this is a behavior I have observed exclusively in white, heterosexual men. I also see it as reflective of a persistently self referential worldview and privileged narcissism that I have also observed in white men. I will be taking submissions examples of non-white guy 20Qs in the comments section. But for now hear me out while I continue to define this perverse phenomena:
Here is a simulated WG 20Qs conversation compiled from actual conversations with actual white guys:
WG: Hello
SM: Hi there what can I do for you?
WG: I was just saying hello is all. I saw your blog. I like that you talk about sex.
SM: Thank you for reading, I love to hear from readers but so you know I don’t sext with readers.
WG: Who said anything about sexting?
SM: You brought up my sex writing and some men try to manipulate me into sexting so I just like to put it out there.
WG: OH ok well I’m not like that. WG: How old are you?
WG: So what does Stumped Mom mean?
SM: It’s a pun and a multiple play on words but most of all, its a veiled reference to my city.
WG: What are your five favorite movies of all time?
SM: (lists first 5 movies she can think of because she doesn’t rank things)
WG: Okay cool. Where are you from?
SM: It’s a riddle, it’s in the name.
WG: Are you Single?
For this excerpt we have gotten about five questions deep but that’s where I usually reach the end of my patience. Yes asking people questions is a key part of getting to know them but can any of our readers tell us where WG went wrong?
All of his questions were aimed at trying to figure out if you like what he likes or if you are available to him.
You got that right. Asking a woman questions like this, as if you are evaluating a job candidate for the job of your girlfriend, a job to which she isn’t applying, will keep you from ever receiving any applicants for the position. It is uncomfortable, no one wants to submit themselves to your evaluation for relationship compatibility or dating fitness. If that doesn’t convince you just know this; I have never gone on to be good friends, lovers, fuck-besties or even dance partners with a man who has started off his interactions with me by asking me if I like Marvel or DC, what music I listen to or to list my top 5 of anything. It is Absolutely ok to ask a woman questions. If you are trying to get to know a woman try asking her pertinent questions that show you have a sincere interest in getting to know her. Then, when she answers the question, engage with the answer and share something about yourself.
That’s it that’s the blog for today. This will be on the quiz on Thursday.