2019-03-17 / In categories Posts
Caution: The following post deals with frank talk about sex prudes need not proceed.
Beloved Stumpers:
Let’s say you’ve read my background posts, done some thinking, had a talk with your partner (if you have one) and maybe you’ve explored fantasy literature and even got yourself a copy of the Ethical Slut, and now you’re feeling ready for the next step, you want to get out there and explore the world of kink and group sex hookups. It can be a scary and difficult to navigate step. My greatest joy in life is to help you with what I know. And today I am going to share some of my knowledge about the ways to enter into kink and group exploration.
The apps and sites: When it comes to online life there is a plethora of hookup apps. The most popular in my area are Feeld and Fetlife.
Fetlife markets itself as an online community for kinksters. Many of the people I have encountered here identify with their sexual activity as a “lifestyle”. I have personally found that conversations here are very transactional. The people on Fetlife tend to be very experienced and are specific about what they want and what they need. They usually want to share explicit pictures right away. This can be a great place to cruise if you are interested in live cyber play with hetero sexual couples, but I’ve never personally converted it to a meetup.
Feeld, is a smartphone app that was created to be the tinder for people looking for threesomes, but since it’s popularity has grown there are a lot more orientations and meetups here. You can find all sorts of people on feeld and many of them have never actually participated in any kind of group sex for a lot of people feeld is their first introduction, the response rate on the app is low and in spite of being functional for many years it suffers from frequent crash glitches. That being said my partner and I do use the app to meet and date women together a few times a year.
The general pitfalls and hangups of our sexual culture are prevalent and in many ways operative in the online dating market for hookup and group sex apps.
If you download Feeld and start swiping it won’t take you long to discover that there is an oversupply of male-female couples seeking single females and oversupply of single males seeking male-female couples. This phenomenon is so exaggerated that couples frequently list themselves as single females,in order to make more matches and many couples will disingenuously advertise that they are seeking other couples and then target just the female in an attempt to get her to engage in a threesome without her partner.
My theory is that this clearly observable market misalignment is driven by our social sexual factors. It is beyond cliche that every man fantasizes about having threesomes with two women. Our sexual culture also encourages bisexual or heteroflexible behavior in women but discourages it in men. This seems to play out in the oversupply of mf couples seeking women. But what I have found is that women do enjoy group sex and women that enjoy sex with multiple women generally enjoy sex with multiple men. Thanks to slut shaming and stigma this kind of desire is difficult for women to express. I have personally experienced male partners shaming me for enjoying sex with multiple male partners. Few heterosexual men want to “share” a female partner with another man. Single men are generally interested in threesomes with couples but few couples want to welcome single men.
Which leads us to some of the nomenclature of threesome culture many of the terms beli the market issues:
Unicorns: single women or partnered women who have sex with couples as singles. Since these women are in such high demand finding one is as rare and magical as finding a unicorn.
Unicorn hunters: male-female couples seeking single women
Cucks or cuckolds: Men who enjoy sharing their female partners or watching their female partners with other men.
Cuck-Queens: Women who enjoy having a cuckold partner and or dominating a cuckold partner.
Hotwives: married women who are in open relationships or are partnered with cuckold men.
Sissys- Male: submissives who seek humiliation play, this often includes cross dressing in women’s underwear, or doing chores and other female associated activities.
For some of you this may be more than you ever wanted to know about the online world of group sex hookups. For others this might seem like a pedestrian and oversimplified summary. What I hope is that for a few of you this guide can help you in your your journey. I can’t advise anyone what choices they should make. What ever you choose I do urge patience and compassion. Sex in all contexts is a risky and emotionally complicated. When it comes to adding multiple partners patience, compassion and communication are required. Playmates aren’t toys or objects or a means to an end they are all people, with their own dreams fantasies and desires. As always feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments section or to find me on Twitter. I am available for questions from respectful readers.
-Stumped Mom